Homage to Women Throughout Time

In my soul, I am an artist. Not a formally trained one, or perhaps even a good one. But I do feel the need to create and express.

In July, I auditioned for a dance and made the cut (yeah! Very exciting for a girl with no formal dance training!). This dance is the culmination of 2 months of hard work. We performed the dance publicly for the first time yesterday (Saturday, September 26) at the Lowell Open Studios 2009. I am so proud to be a part of it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bF1_Qd9MJ1k&feature=email


More about the dance from the dance's creator, Julie Penta:

Homage

Lowell Open Studios 2009

This dance was inspired by the art piece "Homage to Women" by Mico Kaufman located in down town Lowell, Ma. The description on the statue reads: "A tribute to Lowell's 19th C 'mill girls,' the intertwined figures also represents struggles and aspirations of all women throughout time."

We danced on the brick pavement an added jeans, sneakers, and other garments to protect our feet, legs, and shoulders from the ground. This dance is in constant evolution.

music by The Dirty Three

Best

Best. Numero uno. Primo. Primero. Better than all the rest. Dominator of the competition.

I'm back from Defcon and clearing my email and Reader. One article in particular caught my eye. Erin Doland from Unclutterer wrote about how "you don't have to be the best." It took me years to learn the difference between being THE best and being YOUR best (a lesson imparted to me by my mom in Amy Tan's Joy Luck Club).

Erin wrote about how she stops doing things when she figures out that she can't be the best. She gives the example of how when she was a teenager, after dancing ballet for 13 years with hundreds of hours of practice under her belt, she quit. Despite being technically proficient, Erin saw that there were two other girls who had more grace and talent than she had, thereby standing in her way of becoming a prima ballerina.

I have to say that this story and way of thinking really resonates with me. I think I also apply this philosophy somewhat knowingly. I think maybe this stopping when you know you can't be the best is maybe the underlying reason for why I switch hobbies when I no longer find them challenging.

Looking back on my life, this seems to apply to most things I've done and even people that I've met. In one chapter, I was a flautist; more to explore here in a moment. In another chapter, I worked for a large computer corporation. Argentine Tango was another chapter. Ex-boyfriends each have their own chapter. As phases end, I seem to close the chapter never to look back.

For example, playing the flute. Much like Erin, I spent years of my life devoted to playing a musical instrument. I began piano lessons at age 6. At age 10, I switched to the flute and played through my freshman year of undergrad. And then I stopped.

When I began, I wasn't good by any means. In fact, the band conductor held me back from playing in the school band until 6th grade. My goal then was to beat all of the other flautists in my grade. In 7th grade, I began taking private lessons. In 8th grade, I was the only flautist left; all of my peers dropped out. In 11th grade, I took first chair in the high school band beating out all of the flautists a year ahead of me.

When I got to college, I auditioned for the concert band and made the cut. Midway through the semester, our grades were due. The conductor asked us to submit an audio recording of ourselves playing one of the concert pieces. I tried and I tried, but all I could hear were the mistakes. I didn't make a tape.

It turns out that other students also didn't make a tape and instead we played live by sections for our grade. My heart pounded and I knew I just wasn't good enough. I stressed myself out so much that I nearly withdrew from the class.

When the semester was done, I took an internship for my Computer Science degree. I quit my part time job teaching flute to grade school and junior high school students. And I haven't picked up my flute since then. It's been 8 years. I no longer identify myself as a flautist. I've not tried to play since then. Part of me is scared that all of those hours and years of practice have simply vanished.

I've reached a point in my life where I am trying to be as simplistic as possible in my living, which means decluttering and getting rid of things. My flute sits on a shelf in my closet. For quite a while now, I've been trying to figure out why I keep it. Secretly, I think that if I sell it, I will have failed and if I keep it, someday I may be able to play again. I do believe that I can do anything I want to if I put my mind to it.

Sometimes I wish that my head and heart together knew to value more MY best instead of wanting to be THE best all the time.

The need to be challenged

Recently my brother accused me of being into fads. Not meaning what's hip right now. No, more meaning that I go through phases of serious dedication to one thing or another. In high school, it was music; today I don't ever touch my flute and I sing mostly off key, unless I'm trying. In grad school, it was Argentine Tango; I haven't put my shoes on in over a year.

A friend of mine invited me to audition for a dance she has created from a sculpture of the Mill Girls (Lowell was a textile town back in the day). It had been at least two years since I seriously danced and I'd never been formally trained so it takes me a bit longer to pick up. I loved the feeling of learning a new dance and controlling my body to move in such a way. I'm very excited that I made the cut. I'll be performing in late September. Most of all, I can't wait for rehearsals to begin. I can't wait to be challenged and feel excited and nervous. I can't wait to instruct my body to flow here and pose there in ways that I've never been taught.

I've now completed two Bikram Yoga classes. While it's not the same as Ashatanga, I still enjoy the satisfaction of making myself into as perfect a pose as I can manage. I can feel the power and beauty when I make my body align. I can't begin to describe the happiness and satisfaction I feel at the end of the 90 minute session, laying in the final pose in the hot, humid, and dark studio and whispering "Namaste" back to the instructor.

I've also taken up cycling. I'll be doing a short 5 mile tour in Stow in mid-August and a 25 mile tour in mid-September. I can feel myself growing stronger with each time out on my bike. I'm thoroughly looking forward to crossing the finish lines.

When I get to Defcon in a few days, I can't wait to pick back up with my lock picking and hone my skills.

I believe that I can do anything I put my mind to, and so after a period of time when I no longer feel challenged, I switch. I feel that it helps me grow as a person. My brother would say that I'm fickle and it may be true that I'll never be a true master of anything that I've tried, but I enjoy a whole new challenge more than the mastery.

How to save Jonathan Haupt's life

My friend Stan sent me the following email about his friend's brother-in-law to be:

My friend and colleague Brian has asked me to get the word out regarding bone marrow drives in the Boston area this weekend. All you need to do is "get swabbed and save a life." If you do not live in the area but know someone who does, please let them know about this. There are drives also in NYC and other areas. Please see teamhaupt.org for more details.

From Brian:

My future brother-in-law, Jonathan Haupt, was diagnosed with Acute Myelogenous Leukemia, an aggressive blood cancer, in March, 2009. He is in urgent need of a bone marrow transplant to save his life and there are currently NO matches on the worldwide registry. We are hosting three bone marrow drives in the Boston area that I encourage you to attend and to bring your friends and family to:

Worcester, MA:
Sunday, July 12 from 11AM to 3PM
Worcester JCC; 633 Salisbury St.; Worcester, MA 01609

Natick, MA:
Saturday, July 18 from 11AM to 3PM
Belkin Lookout Farm; 89 Pleasant St. South; South Natick, MA 01760

Boston, MA:
Sunday, July 19th from 10am to 4pm
Holiday Inn Brookline; 1200 Beacon St.; Brookline, MA 02446

The chances of finding a match for Jonathan are 1 in 30,000, so I urge you to please send this email along with the attached flyer to everyone you know and ask them to send it to everyone they know (colleagues, friends, and family) to encourage them to register as a bone marrow donor! We have drives going on in Boston, NYC, Northern VA, Baltimore, Albany, Worcester, and St. Louis (if you would like more details and flyers to send to your friends and family please let me know). Also, for those unable to attend a local drive, they can order a kit online free of charge at: http://www.dkmsamericas.org/marrow-donor-form.

Jonathan is of European Jewish descent and his best chance of a match is with someone of similar heritage, but we ask anyone and everyone to come out and register. The greater the turn-out at the drives, the better chance we have at finding Jonathan a perfect match or helping someone else like him.

There is absolutely no need to be a hospital inpatient for a donation. There are 2 methods hospitals use. 70% of the time donors are asked to do the method requiring 5 days of protean shots (1 at a clinic, and 4 done by a nurse sent to your home or place of work) and then a blood donation. This method may cause joint aches for 1 to 7 days similar to those felt with the flu. The other method, used 30% of the time (usually to save a child) requires a local anesthetic in your posterior and a hollow needle to extract bone marrow from the hip. This method is known to cause posterior pains similar to falling hard on ice.

To find out more about Jonathan and his battle with leukemia, please visit our website www.teamhaupt.org. If you are on Facebook, please join the group Team Haupt to see updates on the drives throughout the country, spread the word about the drives, and to leave your well-wishes to Jonathan.

With my sincere and deepest gratitude,

Brian J. Hoffman

Powers of social media, I call upon you. The world is a very, very small place. Being halfway around the world happens these days in only a matter of hours. Information travels faster. Social media sites like Facebook allow us to fully explore our "6 degrees of Kevin Bacon."

How to save a life? Take action. What if you were the one who was able to save this life? Would you knowingly walk away? If you knew this person, would you still be ambivalent? What if it were you who needed the transplant?

Hello World!

Hello World!

Oh my, it really has been forever since I've had a chance to blog. Well over a month! As you already know, when my blog goes quiet, I am in frantic work mode.

On the research front, my robot arm has just been so temperamental. I had a meeting with my occupational therapist to make sure that the robot was doing when they expected. The meeting overall was very successful. Still, I walked away with a seemingly small list of to-dos. One of my action items required creating one additional module, which really was 3 separate things (on top of the >18 other things already going). In the process, I managed to make my robot RAM INTO THE BOOKSHELF REPEATEDLY. I scrapped those changes! Then trying a different way, my robot started doing this hypnotic circling thing and a stutter thing as well. In any case, that's mostly resolved. I still have a few things left, but there will always be room for improvement.

On the social side of the world, Mark and I have been hosting a bed and breakfast, I swear! Our friends K & K came to visit us from the mid- and west-coasts at the beginning of June. After a delicious dinner at Rendezvous in Central Square (in the people's republic of Cambridge, MA), we had second dessert at Tosci's (where another one of my friend's used to work). I had a mini-sundae and I have to say that the hot fudge topping was the best part. I love how the mini-sundae is just the right size for me (just a tasting).

Coming back from Boston, we needed to find a 24-hour Super Evilmart (Walmart) to get a blow-up mattress (ours is in DC currently). The nearest Super Evilmart is in Salem, NH which was well over 1.5 hours from where we were. We got to there at 12:01 am only to find out that Super Evilmarts are now open only 18 hours (6am - 12 midnight). Well, ok, so I had a lot of water to drink with dinner, so I really needed to use the little girl's room. I used my powers of cute Asian-ness to lure them to open the doors (that and the universal pee-pee dance). While inside, Mark calls my cell and says, "You're in! You had to get the mattress now!" So I run through Evilmart to Sporting Goods (which is in the furthest point from the store from where I am) in my 3-inch high heels. Hey, I'd just come back from a fancy dinner in Boston! I grabbed an air mattress and pump and scooted in line. I wasn't even the last person out. Meanwhile, Mark, K, & K are waiting for me in the parking lot which had a lot of very angry people in it!

The next day, we saw Up! in 3D. I totally recommend 3D for this movie; the next weekend we saw it with Mark's parents (who came up to visit) in 2D and it wasn't quite as nice. In the evening, K and I had an awesome Asian cook-fest. She made us jap-chae (Korean style lo-mein kinda with thin rice noodles) and spring rolls. I made banana wontons (bananas cooked in rum and sugar) topped with honey and sesame seeds. Yum! I totally hoarded the left-overs. :)

The following weekend, Mark's parents came up to visit us from FL. It was fun because Mark and I got to be tourists in Boston. I figure this is probably our last summer together here in Lowell, so we might as well take in all the sights. We did the Museum of Science (I still love it there), the Duck Tours, and Blueman at the Charles Playhouse. We also hung around the house and caught up.

On the gardening front, the UML Community Garden has really taken off. We have a 40 foot x 70 foot gardening space that we've tilled and planted. About half of the garden is for communal plants, which means that all members will get an equal share. The popular plants such as tomatoes, cucumber, yellow squash, zucchini, peas, and herbs were planted in the front half of the garden. So far we've had 2 work days. On the first day, we laid out the garden and planted the communal plants. On our second day, we installed the trellis supports and mesh trellises. I finally just planted my seedlings this past Saturday. I know it's really late! You can imagine just how busy I've been. Today I planted my cherry tomato plant (remember the one I started in the Aerogarden in January?) in a self-watering hanging basket and hung it outside my window. I got 5 little tomatoes from it today. I was very excited and made them into my dinner. :)

On the crafting front, I had a blitz last Thursday and Friday. My friend D is having a baby boy. She and her husband J are decorating in the Super Mario Brothers theme. So I decided to knit them a Goomba hat. And then I realized that I didn't have enough dark brown yarn. So Ifrogged that and learned how to 1) purl and 2) interchange colors. I solved the brown issue by making a blue background. I found a website that converts images into patterns, but they didn't let me say how big the piece was supposed to be. I'd intended to make a folded rectangle hat, but then the Goomba just got too big. Then I decided it was going to be a pillow. I've just realized that I didn't take ANY pictures of it (Update 8/9/09: Debbie posted a picture on Facebook, so I've put it below). SIGH, that makes me really sad because I was really proud of it. I used 5 colors!!! That was a lot of thread management (ahahahah; sorry that was a CS joke). I have D the present at her shower on Saturday and she loved it :)

My honey was wonderful this past weekend and switched desks with me. Now I have a large horizontal surface on which to craft. And by craft I mostly mean sew. I'm dying to make some skirts and dresses! I'm in the process of repurposing t-shirts. I'm working on an XL men's t-shirt (from my first Defcon) and turning it into a Trinity inspired (I think anyways) ladies shirt. I promise; this time I'll take pictures.

Ok, that's it for now. I will try to post to my blog more. For more of my daily stuff, follow me on Twitter (katemtsui).

My netbook has arrived; the garden is thriving; and I have a new hair cut!

Here's my new baby; yes, I will name it. Came with Ubuntu, but I can't wait to Hackintosh it. The quarter in the picture is for scale.

In other news, my plants are growing out of control. I moved my cherry tomato and strawberry plants to soil (shown in sequence for those who aren't gardeners). The strawberry plant shown was started in the Aerogarden. The strawberry plant from the Eggling is much, much smaller.

"I'm growing big!"

And started lettuce in my Aerogarden a few weeks ago. It really is a weed, but a tasty one. This will likely be the first edible thing that comes from my apartment gardening.

I also have started Thai basil and mint in the Aerogarden. The mint had an unfortunate accident and let's just say that I've restarted it.

And lastly, check out my new hair cut!

Psst! I'm still alive

Hello World! Sorry to have disappeared. I wanted to pop up an assure you that I really am alive.
The end of February, all of March, and all of April have just been absolutely crazy!

Briefly, towards the end of February, I was pushing to submit a paper to the IROS conference. It required many long days and nights, but finally I had the whole system working from the beginning to end. Notice I didn't say working well...

Which brings us to April where I have been frantically trying to finish up the zillion little things to make it work well. I'm still working on it... kinda. Actually at the moment, I'm up to my ears in final projects for my 2 classes. I can't wait for classes to be officially done! SIGH. One more semester of classes. Also in April, magically somehow, I made time to switch a good number of our incandescent light bulbs to dimmable CFLs, installed more X10 appliance modules for the non-dimmable X10 units, switched to rechargable batteries, and painted my bathroom.

"What about March?" you ask. Excellent question. March was a horror of a month. Well, just part of it. I was in California twice and it was BEAUTIFUL!!!! But on both return flights, I caught some strain of the flu. The first laid me up in bed for 5 days straight. The second was 10 days before I was able to walk up a flight of stairs without being dizzy or terribly winded.

In the mean time, here's a flurry of pictures to show you what I've been up to!

I made vegan vanilla cupcakes for Kristen's birthday. Recipe from http://recipes.sparkpeople.com/recipe-detail.asp?recipe=327817

• 1/2 cup vanilla soy yogurt (I used soy pudding because that's what I had on hand; worked out fine)
• 2/3 cup fat free vanilla or plain soy milk
• 1/4 cup unsweetened applesauce
• 3 tbl canola oil
• 3/4 cup granulated sugar
• 1 1/2 tsp vanilla extract
• 1 1/4 cup all-purpose flour
• 2 tbl cornstarch
• 3/4 tsp baking powder
• 1/2 tsp baking soda
• 1/4 teaspoon salt

The result:

Holly got me a cupcake at HRI. Can you guess which one's mine? (Yes, pink sprinkles! Very good.)

I flew to San Diego via Salt Lake City. This is Salt Lake City. Looks pretty nice; I'll have to find a way to get back there someday.

In March after the AAAI Spring Symposium Series, I met a wooden Keepon replica, had a chocolate lava cake (best I've ever had! Oh and cheese-y polenta!!), saw a robot plug itself into the wall to charge, and had Sprinkles cupcakes.

Last night coming home from class, I saw this beautiful night time scene.

Oh! And I've finished all 42 patches for the baby blanket! (Travel's great for getting projects done.) Now I just need to put them together and put edging on it.

Today was bright, beautiful, sunny, and 88 degrees! Maybe it's my turn for a summer of dresses!

I'm an Apartment Therapy's Small "Cool 2009" contest entrant

Check it out! Mark and I's personal home movie theater apartment is now officially an entry in Apartment Therapy's 2009 Small Cool contest.

Vote for us! http://tinyurl.com/katemtsui-small-cool-vote

Lain-inspired haircut

It's conference season again. So in preparation, I went to have my hair cut. I love it! It's a very Lain-inspired asymetrical precision cut. (Lain, as in the Serial Experiments).

These are photos of Lain (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Serial_Experiments_Lain, http://i219.photobucket.com/albums/cc311/jjpeebody/SerialExperimentsLain.jpg, and http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_iqENn2cxjc4/SF1pbaB9NiI/AAAAAAAAArI/xby6TOX0UTs/s400/SERIAL%2BEXPERIMENT%2BLAIN.jpg):

Here's my cut! My right hand side is longer than my left hand side. It's been highly texturized so it moves. I want to shake my head like Loreal commercial.

What does your high school year book say about you?

Earlier I talked about my fear of not being able to escape the fate of being a "townie" in my Jack and Diane post. The other day while brushing my teeth, I was thinking about my high school year book, which is much like a snapshot of Facebook. We all had pictures and profiles. We had groups with which we associated.

So what does your high school year book say about you? Was it an accurate indicator of who would be come? How well does it still represent you?

I was an honors student and bandgeek. In my senior year, I was principle flautist, vice-president of Band Council, vice-president of the National Honor Society. I was on the varsity gymnastics team. I was involved with Show Choir, jazz band, flute choir, chorus, and foobar. In the year book, I was a superlative "most musical" (instrumental).

When I went to college, I basically stopped playing flute and singing. In fact, In my undergraduate career, I wasn't very involved at all. I was focused on classes and my career (internship). In this respect, my high school year book wasn't a very good indicator at all.

In my yearbook biography, I wanted to write something classic, timeless, and epic. I succeeded to do none of this. I wrote something to the effect of "shoot for the moon and even if you miss you'll land among the stars. So for now, I'll go with God."

The entry makes me giggle a bit. I remember having quite a battle when going through my Catholic confirmation during sophomore year. I didn't regularly go to church. I didn't fully believe. I had many conflicting issues about what the Bible said and things in the world. The creation. The stances of birth control and abortion. The views on homosexuality.

For a while, I explored Protestantism, but I didn't find the answers I was looking for there either. Somehow, I convinced myself that the confirmation was the correct thing for me to do. (Really, I think I went through it because I got to take on two male names, Michael Jude.) I am an agnostic and have been since I entered college. I'm currently investigating Buddhism. My profile wasn't a very good indicator of my religion either.

"Shoot for the moon and even if you miss you'll land among the stars." I look on this phrase as the cliche that it is. It makes me laugh to think how locally I thought then. I remember in high school that graduating with your bachelors was a big deal. A masters, wow! I'm now a doctoral candidate with aspirations of becoming a professor. The cliche is backwards. You shouldn't want to aim locally at the moon. You should be aiming for the stars.

No, I don't think that my high school year book is representative of me. I've change quite a lot since 2000. I escaped becoming a townie, but I don't know where I'll land in the end. I am glad that I don't have to look back on my high school year book and think that those were the best years of my life.